Inward Focus

I will take any opportunity to learn and grow and one of the challenges that many people face this time of year is committing to those changes that we may have endeavored to make at the beginning of 2012 or at whatever point we deemed necessary. I, like the rest of us, often lose focus and grow weary of doing the things that I need to meet all of my goals. This year, one of my focal points is living out my word of the year, SHINE.

In the spirit of self renewal and sacrifice during the Lent season, I have decided to give these three things 'the boot':

1. Impersonality (noun): having no personal reference or connection

The Twittersphere and other social networks have limited my preferred interactions with human beings via face to face communication or even a phone call. I have become a slave of sorts to Facebook status updates and Twitter posts, as ways to catch up with and engage with people that mean a lot to me and, frankly, it sucks. It is an incomplete story with no soundbites and simply does not give me the truest sense of community and connection that I cherish. I must do better to maintain the human relationships that I value.

2. Insecurity (noun): state of not being highly stable or well-adjusted: beset by fear and anxiety

It is so easy to lose one's foundation of confidence and assurance in one brief interaction or circumstance. I have learned that firsthand recently and I am determined to believe all that God says about me and not what my warped mind, at times, wants me to believe. 98% of the time I know that I am and I feel quite awesome, but those days that represent the 2% need to be no more. Lack of security gives birth to fear and anxiety which gives birth to none of my goals -- nada. I simply cannot be successful while insecure about my firm place in this world. I do not need anyone to affirm that. It simply is a known fact and is one of the keys to future accomplishments.

3. Instancy (noun): the quickness of action or occurrence

Everything in its time. Todo a su tiempo. I literally have ascribed this to be my new motto. I am the world's most impatient person and I am continually learning that slow and steady is not bad, in every way. Frenetic actions or reactions or demanding that of others is simply unnecessary and unproductive. The need to have everything RIGHT NOW can overtake your truest intentions to seek the best in your life and invest in your priorities correctly. Everything will align itself in its time and it may not be what we want to hear in our 'right now' culture, but it truly what I need to hear...until it sticks :-)

Time to keep shinin'

How are you all progressing on your 2012 goals/ focal points? Any new commitments made to yourself?

What Friends Are For

(This song always makes me teary. I am allowed a sappy moment, no?)


This past weekend, I had two of my best friends in the world visiting me from NYC, Marie and Tamara. These ladies have known me since I was a young lass, a bright eyed freshman at Cornell. The many mountains that we have climbed together and the hands that they have lent to me on my life path for the past ten years is a gift I can never repay. Per usual, we spent the entire weekend rehashing past tales, shared dramas, funny moments and running every inside joke that we have to the ground. I love them for that. It made me consider my non-negotiables for friendship:


1. (Often Brutal) Honesty
I know we are grown adults and are ultimately responsible for our actions, but there is nothing like a friend snatching you out of a 'pit' when they see you going south. They DO NOT cosign on your nonsensical ideas but rather are honest with you, whether gently or brutally honest as needed. I cannot tell you how many times my girls have presented questions to me or pushed back on something that I said or did, to my initial discomfort, but eventually to the benefit of making the best decision for me.

2. Passion & Challenge
I strongly cleave to and ensure that my friends have their own motivations and support mine to the extent possible. Beyond the friendship or anything that we may be able to provide to one another, I love that my friends are different from me in a variety of ways and have engaging pursuits, hobbies and the like. I do not have a clue about business marketing or event planning or micro-finance. But there is nothing like seeing the spark in the eye of a friend that shares their goals, interests and love with you. Heck, I can take a liking to anything (within reason) or simply appreciate you sharing your heart. I cannot tolerate mediocre, unmotivated energy sappers. As a friend, I want to learn with and from you; My thinking should be pushed just a little every so often.

3. Giving
Shared values are super important to me. I do not mean carbon copies of me but some intrinsic values that dictate our lives. One that I have seen as a more clear necessity as of late is the shared value around selflessness. When I think of all of the times that my friends have stuck their necks out for me, in ways that are not in any way required or mandated, I cannot help but be so thankful. Towards the end of 2011 when going through a tough emotional stint, I had a friend that would text or call almost daily just to say that she loved me and that meant the world to me. While I felt that much was crumbling around me, I was also reminded of the beauty of true friendship. No one is obligated to do anything but your actions show your heart. Despite busy lives and demanding schedules, generosity of spirit is the greatest gift.

4. Humor
I admit: I take myself way too seriously sometimes. During the past weekend, I was reminded of that so vividly(I will spare you the details). I love people that can snap me back into reality and provide a lightness and different perspective when I inevitably may get set in my ways, discouraged or feel defeated. Laughter is the best medicine. Some of the best memories I have with most of friends revolve around some laughing fit, mostly at each other's expenses. This weekend, I must have lost many calories laughing about the silliest things but sharing the best moments with women that I love dearly. The inside jokes and made up words seem frivolous but truly bring so much shared joy and wonderful experiences together that I will never forget. If given the opportunity to live long enough, I hope to still be laughing at our inside jokes about college folk and random people well into my 80's.

My friends are my treasures, the 'iron' that has sharpened my 'iron'. I am blessed to have each of them in my life. Each friendship that I have developed I take joy in cultivating, knowing that it is not always easy to find people that truly bring the best out of you. I am constantly challenged to become a better friend, through seeing the awesomeness that my network provides to me in friendship. Give and take - Love and Laughter: That's what friends are for.

XOXO

(as young punks)

(8 years later- 8 years classier but still silly)

What are your friend non-negotiables?