This past weekend, I had two of my best friends in the world visiting me from NYC, Marie and Tamara. These ladies have known me since I was a young lass, a bright eyed freshman at Cornell. The many mountains that we have climbed together and the hands that they have lent to me on my life path for the past ten years is a gift I can never repay. Per usual, we spent the entire weekend rehashing past tales, shared dramas, funny moments and running every inside joke that we have to the ground. I love them for that. It made me consider my non-negotiables for friendship:
1. (Often Brutal) Honesty
I know we are grown adults and are ultimately responsible for our actions, but there is nothing like a friend snatching you out of a 'pit' when they see you going south. They DO NOT cosign on your nonsensical ideas but rather are honest with you, whether gently or brutally honest as needed. I cannot tell you how many times my girls have presented questions to me or pushed back on something that I said or did, to my initial discomfort, but eventually to the benefit of making the best decision for me.
2. Passion & Challenge
I strongly cleave to and ensure that my friends have their own motivations and support mine to the extent possible. Beyond the friendship or anything that we may be able to provide to one another, I love that my friends are different from me in a variety of ways and have engaging pursuits, hobbies and the like. I do not have a clue about business marketing or event planning or micro-finance. But there is nothing like seeing the spark in the eye of a friend that shares their goals, interests and love with you. Heck, I can take a liking to anything (within reason) or simply appreciate you sharing your heart. I cannot tolerate mediocre, unmotivated energy sappers. As a friend, I want to learn with and from you; My thinking should be pushed just a little every so often.
3. Giving
Shared values are super important to me. I do not mean carbon copies of me but some intrinsic values that dictate our lives. One that I have seen as a more clear necessity as of late is the shared value around selflessness. When I think of all of the times that my friends have stuck their necks out for me, in ways that are not in any way required or mandated, I cannot help but be so thankful. Towards the end of 2011 when going through a tough emotional stint, I had a friend that would text or call almost daily just to say that she loved me and that meant the world to me. While I felt that much was crumbling around me, I was also reminded of the beauty of true friendship. No one is obligated to do anything but your actions show your heart. Despite busy lives and demanding schedules, generosity of spirit is the greatest gift.
4. Humor
I admit: I take myself way too seriously sometimes. During the past weekend, I was reminded of that so vividly(I will spare you the details). I love people that can snap me back into reality and provide a lightness and different perspective when I inevitably may get set in my ways, discouraged or feel defeated. Laughter is the best medicine. Some of the best memories I have with most of friends revolve around some laughing fit, mostly at each other's expenses. This weekend, I must have lost many calories laughing about the silliest things but sharing the best moments with women that I love dearly. The inside jokes and made up words seem frivolous but truly bring so much shared joy and wonderful experiences together that I will never forget. If given the opportunity to live long enough, I hope to still be laughing at our inside jokes about college folk and random people well into my 80's.
My friends are my treasures, the 'iron' that has sharpened my 'iron'. I am blessed to have each of them in my life. Each friendship that I have developed I take joy in cultivating, knowing that it is not always easy to find people that truly bring the best out of you. I am constantly challenged to become a better friend, through seeing the awesomeness that my network provides to me in friendship. Give and take - Love and Laughter: That's what friends are for.
XOXO
(as young punks)
(8 years later- 8 years classier but still silly)
What are your friend non-negotiables?
Awww, I love these ladies as little sisters, too!
ReplyDeleteA true friend, to me, is someone who is always there for you, telling you things you don't want to but need to hear, and will give you a shoulder to lean on after they've served you a big dish of said things you don't want to but need to hear.